Bryson City Seasons — Miss Flame (Part 1)

This is from the forty-third chapter from my best-selling book, Bryson City Seasons, which is the sequel to Bryson City TalesI hope that you’ll enjoy going back to Bryson City with me each week and that if you do, you’ll be sure to invite your friends and family to join us.


MISS FLAME (PART 1)

The dreaded day finally arrived.

July 4 dawned clear and bright—unfortunately—with not a cloud in the sky. But even if it had rained, I still would have been up a creek without a paddle. They would have just moved the dreaded competition to an indoor location. The contest was to include an evening gown competition, a swimming suit competition, and a live interview. Barb had been working with Michelle Robertson to gather my wardrobe. I had no desire to model for them or to try on my feminine attire any sooner than absolutely necessary. If there was any consolation, it was that the group of contestants would include other prominent members of the community—including two of the assistant football coaches, a dentist, a banker, an attorney, and other such notables.

The Fireman’s Day fund-raiser included a road race, lots of food booths along Main Street, games for the children, a dunking booth, and rides for the kids on the fire engine. While the town folks were enjoying their day, the other contestants and I were holed up in the old courthouse, getting readied by our all-too-eager wives and friends.

Michelle and Barb continuously giggled as they placed me in an overstuffed bra and then squeezed me into what would become an overstuffed midnight-blue sequined evening gown. Then came a long blond wig donated by some cruel person, plenty of face and lip makeup, gaudy earrings, a pearl necklace, and then—to end it all—stiletto high-heeled shoes. I determined that whoever invented high-heeled shoes had a warped sense of humor. I also determined, after only a few practice steps, that my ankles and knees were in grave and imminent danger.

“Did we tell you your name?” Michelle asked.

“My what?” I replied.

“Oh, Walt, I forgot to tell you,” said Barb. “Monty wanted each of you to have a name. So Michelle and I named you Waltina Larina Bustmoore.”

I was now in official—perhaps even irreversible—shock. I just moaned and tried to hide my face in my hands, but I was jerked back to a sitting position by Michelle. “No!” she exclaimed. “You can’t ruin your makeup!” Nevertheless, I’m sure there was no makeup that could hide the dismay and apprehension on my face!

When the time for the contest began, each of the unhappy contestants was paraded before what appeared to be the entire town—all gathered on the lawn of the old courthouse. The cat- calls and whistles were drowned out by the laughter as each con- testant was recognized and then verbally harangued and berated.

My walk down and back the contestants’ ramp seemed to take an eternity. And when each contestant stumbled in his high heels or over a long skirt, the crowd’s howls only grew in intensity.

After my walk on the stage, I was whisked back into the court- house by Barb and Michelle. They tried to encourage me as they changed me from an evening gown into a one-piece swimsuit. It was bright red and very shiny.

“Where’d you get this?” I asked incredulously.

Barb and Michelle giggled. “Believe it or not,” Barb replied while stuffing an amazing amount of padding into the soon-to-be overstuffed cups of the swimsuit, “this came from Eloise Newman’s closet.”

I was stunned. “You mean Pastor Newman’s wife?”

Yep,” replied Barb.

“The registered dietician at the hospital?”

“One and the same,” Michelle confirmed.

“Stand still, Walt!” commanded Barb. “I need to tie this over-sized scarf around your waist.” “Why?” I asked.

Barb looked at Michelle, and they both laughed.

“What’s up?” I inquired.

“Just hiding the family jewels!” Barb explained between giggles. “Next we’re going to give you the tanned look,” Michelle stated.

They turned me around, applying what they called a bronzing makeup. Then they turned me like a top, inspecting their work. Barb gave me a kiss on the cheek. “Break a leg, honey!”

“Where are you going?” I pleaded.

“The kids and I will be out there watching the contest and rooting for you.”

Before I could protest, she was gone. As I looked around the room, the sight of a group of very uncomfortable men disguised as women made me laugh. Some of these guys, I thought, are incredibly ugly women. I took a mental picture I’ve never forgotten.

The hairy legs and chests were a sight to behold. Seeing the beer bellies stuffed into bikini bathing suits was even more hilarious!

TO BE CONTINUED

PAST STORIES FROM BRYSON CITY SEASONS

  1. Dead Man Standing (Part 1) (Part 2)(Part 3)
  2. Eyes Wide Open (Part 1)(Part 2)
  3. Auspicious Accidents (Part 1)(Part 2)
  4. Answered Prayers (Part 1), (Part 2), (Part 3), (Part 4)
  5. Rotary Luncheon
  6. Death by Emotion (Part 1)(Part 2)(Part 3)(Part 4)
  7. The Invitation (Part 1)(Part 2)
  8. Barbecue and Bacon (Part 1)(Part 2)
  9. A Touchy Subject
  10. Family Time (Part 1)(Part 2)
  11. Chicken Pops(Part 1)(Part 2)
  12. Swain County Football (Part 1)(Part 2)
  13. Hospital Politics (Part 1)(Part 2)(Part 3)
  14. The Bobcat Attacks (Part 1)(Part 2)
  15. Dungeons and Apples
  16. A Tale of Two Surgeons (Part 1)(Part 2)(Part 3)
  17. Tanned Feets (Part 1)(Part 2)(Part 3)
  18. Wise Counsel (Part 1)(Part 2)
  19. An Anniversary to Remember (Part 1)(Part 2)
  20. Mrs. Black Fox (Part 1)(Part 2)
  21. The Littlest Cherokee (Part 1)(Part 2)
  22. Christmas Firsts (Part 1)(Part 2)
  23. The Silver Torpedo
  24. Another New Year’s Catch
  25. Turned Tables
  26. Doctor Dad (Part 1)(Part 2)(Part 3)
  27. The Phone Tap (Part 1), (Part 2)
  28. Labor Pains (Part 1), (Part 2)
  29. Staph and Staff (Part 1), (Part 2)
  30. The Ribbon Cutting
  31. Mountain Breakfast
  32. Walkingstick (Part 1), (Part 2)
  33. One Big Fish
  34. Memorial Day (Part 1); (Part 2)
  35. The Parade of the Century (Part 1)
  36. Lost Boy (Part 1); (Part 2)
  37. Facing the Music
  38. Flesh-Eating Bacteria (Part 1); (Part 2)
  39. The Best Medicine
  40. The Blessing
  41. The Runaways
  42. Great Scott
  43. Miss Flame (Part 1), (Part 2)

PAST STORIES FROM BRYSON CITY TALES

  1. The Murder (Part 1)(Part 2)(Part 3)
  2. The Arrival (Part 1)(Part 2)
  3. The Hemlock Inn (Part 1)(Part 2)
  4. The Grand Tour (Part 1)(Part 2)
  5. The Interview (Part 1)(Part 2)(Part 3)
  6. Settling In (Part 1)(Part 2)
  7. First-Day Jitters (Part 1)(Part 2)
  8. Emergency (Part 1)(Part 2)
  9. The Delivery (Part 1)(Part 2)
  10. The “Expert” (Part 1)(Part 2)
  11. The Trial (Part 1)(Part 2)
  12. Shiitake Sam (Part 1)(Part 2)
  13. Wet Behind the Ears (Part 1)(Part 2)(Part 3)
  14. Lessons in Daily Practice (Part 1) — Anal Angina(Part 2)(Part 3)(Part 4)
  15. White Lies
  16. The Epiphany (Part 1)(Part 2)
  17. Becoming Part of the Team (Part 1)(Part 2)
  18. Monuments (Part 1)(Part 2)
  19. My First Home Victory (Part 1)(Part 2)
  20. Fisher of Men (Part 1)(Part 2)
  21. Fly-Fishing (Part 1); (Part 2)
  22. Something Fishy (Part 1)(Part 2)
  23. A Good Day at the Office
  24. An Evening to Remember
  25. Another New Doc Comes to Town
  26. ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas (Part 1)(Part 2)
  27. A Surprising Gift
  28. The New Year (Part 1)(Part 2)
  29. The Home Birth (Part1)(Part 2)(Part 3)
  30. The Showdown (Part1)(Part 2)(Part 3)
  31. The Initiation (Part 1)(Part 2)(Part 3)
  32. Home at Last (Part 1)(Part 2)(Part 3)  

© Copyright WLL, INC. 2019. This blog provides a wide variety of general health information only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from your regular physician. If you are concerned about your health, take what you learn from this blog and meet with your personal doctor to discuss your concerns.